Cujo Remake Greenlit by Warner Bros., Trailer to Feature Slowed-Down Version of “How Much is That Doggie in the Window?”

BURBANK, CA—Seeking to replicate the staggering box office success of Warner Bros.’ 2017 adaptation of Stephen King’s It, studio executives have made the bold decision to greenlight a Cujo remake without a script, but with the full intention of inserting a slowed-down rendition of “How Much is That Doggie in the Window?” in a future trailer. Industry observers initially balked at the unprecedented decision, but concerns were quickly allayed when WB heads stated their commitment to the incongruous trailer track. “Cujo was very popular when it was released in 1983,” asserted executive producer DiDi Vander Hooven, “but considering the remake’s target demographic, that’s like billing it as the biggest blockbuster during the Cuban Missile Crisis. It’s not enough to drum up that instant brand recognition…People just know the melody [of ‘How Much is That Doggie’], so you’re watching the trailer thinking, ‘Okay, there’s a dog in this, that’s nice!’ But then, it gets all slow and warped and you’re like, ‘Something’s not right, maybe the dog is what’s so scary.’ I mean, that’s essentially what the script or whatever would be doing, so it’s just a way of flipping the marketing and production process.” At today’s press junket, Warner Bros. executives announced that Cujo was slated for release between 2021 and 2027, then added that the reboot’s writing team would be instructed to generalize the film’s main beats enough so that it could be brought into the Marvel Cinematic Universe should the studio accept a buyout from Disney.